Archive | February, 2012

My Best Friend

26 Feb


Always waiting with a hug and kind words. Always ready to drop everything she’s doing if I need her. Always willing to shred some evil man’s expensive belongings to stand up for me.
She’s the best part of today and everyday I am fortunate enough to share with her over the last 16 years.
She’s my best friend.


17 Feb

Are you happy?

What kind of a question is that? 

Well, are you?


Well, what do you mean?  Are you happy? With things? In life?

Sometimes. I mean, if I just got a hangnail, or it’s one of those ‘bad nights at the Cow’ or I just caused a traffic accident, then no, not happy. Kittens or champagne or kisses, then yea. It’s a stupid question. Use your words. Be specific. Say what you mean. Or better yet, just shut up. 

I have an idea for today:

17 Feb

Let’s all be a little sexier, k?

Anybody Want a Chihuahua?

16 Feb

I hate my dog.

Not really. I love my dog. I just love her less now.

I will explain.

Not often, but every now and then someone does something and you can just never look at them the same way ever again. Right? Well that happened. In a big way. I was just reminded of it so I thought I would relay the story on to all of my little ducklings so that I do not become Cruella de Vil in anyone’s eyes. Always helps to know the facts.

I’m not even sure how to tell it. I get emotional at the memory.

So there I was, lying on the couch watching TV and eating a Toblerone. Kiki, the dog, she snuggled up next to me on the pillow. She’s a Chihuahua mix so she can fit in pretty small places. She also eats poop in the backyard sometimes.

She waited…

And waited…

And right as I took a bite of the chocolate bar…


That’s not the kicker.

You ready for it?

She PUKED the POOP right onto my FACE! As I had chocolate in my mouth!

It will never be the same after that stunt. I started puking- for like an hour. It was the barf-apocalypse. And I scrubbed myself harder than Lady Macbeth, but still everytime I look at her I smell that AWFUL foulness. Chocolate will never be the same, either.


It was my Vietnam.

Oh, the weather outside is weather

15 Feb

My morning walk this morning was absolutely lovely. February is an odd month in New Mexico- freezing wind, rain, 60° sun filled days, or blankets of snow. Last night, as I was closing down shop, it began to snow. I mean those huge, sand dollar size snowflakes that are so fluffy and wet that they stick to everything no matter it isn’t very cold outside. There was no wind; the air was still. They fell in crazy swirly zig zags. Lovely. I walked home in it- it was like walking in the rain on a warm October day.

This morning, as I passed the fire station and the Greek Orthodox Church and all of the old Victorian houses of my neighborhood on the way to the coffee shop, the neighborhood was drenched in a soggy layer of wet snow leftover from the night before. No matter that I slipped in a puddle and busted my butt on the concrete, I sensed something divine in the air: the smell, the sounds, the awakening of spring.

Game on, Albuquerque. Let’s see you wow me again this year.

How’s about you and me…

14 Feb

Did I ever mention that I have pointy ears? Like, totally pointy. I think I am a descendent of elves or something (well, if that were a real option). It often catches people off guard. I like to make up stories to explain my ears’ serrated edges, and for the most part people believe them.

I’ve never been too good with names but I remember faces. Oh, wait. That’s entirely not true. I am good with neither.

Cheeseburgers are the best food in the entire world.

I come from Mississippi.

One time, I killed a Fer-de-Lance with a machete. That’s the best part of that story.

I’m naturally blonde. A great color blonde, actually. I dye my hair red in the winter, and I don’t know exactly why, but it makes me happy.

In another life I was a fish. Then a ferocious jungle cat ate that fish. I was ferocious jungle cat in another life, too. And probably a seaweed at some point, as well.

My favorite words are: porcupine, staccato, nail polish, creole, island (because it is just spelled so stupidly), fences, pineapple, cellar (I think of wine), stellar, gem, and blowfish. My least favorite words are: dry, rip, qi (it should NOT be allowed on Words with Friends), Cincinnati, yeast, lo-carb, and pit (lest we are talking about the Brad).

Also, I kind of want a pet dolphin- but only for like a day or so.

My favorite bits of machinery and mechanical wonder are photo booths, drawbridges, automatic staplers, those great margarita blenders, hair dryers, and the compass in the dashboard of the car.

I like books. I also like graphic novels. A lot.

When I was like, 15 maybe, I went to Scotland for the summer. That was fun.

It’d be neat to be a pirate, but I’m not really down with stealing from people. Unless I was looting like badass jewelry and genie lamps. And flying rugs. And I had a pet parrot. And an eye patch. And Johnny Depp.

I should’ve put ‘badass’ on my list of favorite words. It certainly is badass enough to belong there.

I collect pearls.

I also collect fossils. And rocks. And seashells. And bones. And teeth.

My cat’s name is Floyd- you can see her picture here. She’s the bee’s knees. My dog’s name is Kiki. She pees on things. I love Floyd more. They both know it.

Young Guns and Young Guns II are two of the best films to ever grace American cinema. Top Gun was a gem as well. But, if I were at a dinner party or asked by a customer (this happened the other night) to list my top five favorite movies, my reply would be something like, “Gone With the Wind, A River Runs Through It, Braveheart, Forrest Gump, The Dark Knight, Jurassic Park, The Lion King, and Gattaca” because I cannot count, and hate to admit that I went to a museum exhibit just to see Top Gun movie storyboards, jackets, and helmets.

I suffer bouts of insomnia. That’s usually when I write random lists such as these. More often than not I google funny pictures of koala bears.

All of my tattoos are down around my feet.

I have broken a LOT of bones. Many of them more than once. I’m fragile, and I know that- now.

I won a competition once to see who could get down a water-slide the fastest. I have a scar from that. When I tell people my scar is from Breckenridge, they usually assume it was a snow skiing accident. Nope.

So those are some fun facts about me, the love of my life (besides Floyd) this Valentine’s day. I guess it’s a good thing no one is taking me to dinner or some sappy thing, I make ridiculous conversation.

I made it to yet another birthday!

8 Feb

We all had our doubts… Hehe!image

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