Archive | February, 2013

Pilgrim’s Progress

27 Feb

I’ve been trying to think of dog names for weeks. Haven’t had much luck yet. However, for the past three nights my little hound dog puppy has slept through the entire night without crying. He also has (mostly) learned sit.

So there is some progress happening. I have to keep telling myself that every now and then as to not get discouraged.

We’ll get there though, hound dog puppy and I. Probably as soon as I find a name for him.

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Still Playing ‘Name That Dog’

22 Feb

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Montana Becky

21 Feb

I had a roommate in college. Becky. She was a live wire and tons of fun. A real nutter. While my first year in Montana I studied more than I needed to and spent a lot of time exploring the wilderness, rock climbing, and playing Nintendo in the dorm room, Becky was living the typical college life. Becky had friends, and lots of them. She drank and did drugs and partied- Becky was living, she was having fun.

I didn’t really understand her until much later in life.

So anyhow one night Becky went out partying. School night. Did LSD or something serious- I have no idea, but when she showed up back at the dorm that night she brought with her some equally messed up dickwad. He was a real peice of work. Rude, stupid, high beyond belief. So anyhow the two of them crawled into bed to sleep it off but as it turned out, her dickwad friend snored like Hades. So bad the girl in the room next door came by to make sure everything was ok. So bad that Becky left and went to sleep in the lounge. So bad that I wanted to cry. So bad I think I did cry.

I tried to wake him up every way I could think of. I dumped water on him. I smacked him in the face. I turned on all the lights and blasted music. Nothing worked. I ended up spending most of the night attempting to sleep in the tub down the hall.

In the morning as I was getting ready to go to class, the dickwad woke up. He looked confusedly around, stood up, stretched, and a god damn tiny Mr. Hanky fell from his boxer shorts. An evil little turd. He’d had no idea it was there all night. I looked from him, to the floor, to Becky. She shrugged apologetically.

I was mad for weeks.

Now it’s one of the funnier Montana moments that I remember. Thank you, Becky. 🙂

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More Bougainvillea

20 Feb

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Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

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Last year on Valentine’s Day I posted a list of random facts about me and my feelings. This year, being no less disappointing than the last, I think I should possibly be able to come up with something slightly more interesting.

But then I remember: Oh yea, Lindsay, you aren’t writing lately.

Fuck.

Well… I am at a loss. I have been at a loss for words for a while now, so I apologize.

Ummm…

A list of things I would like this Valentine’s Day:

–       Flowers. At least one flower.

–       Hugs and kisses.

–       Some words (I’m tired of writer’s block)

–       Extra sleep and rest (with kitty cuddles)

–       Chocolate (thanks Pops!)

–       Kitty face hugs from Floyd.

–       A Firefly marathon.

–       An adventure.

–       Someone to make me dinner.

But. alas, I am what I have this Valentine’s, so I will have to make due with myself.  Won’t be the first time. Now for the important decisions: do I buy myself more chocolate or do I give myself some jewelry?

Good call, Lins… both!

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Poop

13 Feb

I recently went out on a date (a first date) and told poop stories the entire time. I thought it was a pretty successful date.

Anyway. One of my favorites is the story of what I call the Little Shit Monster.

Years ago, in another life, I guided backpacking trips for Boston University. Fun times. Except I’m not terribly good with kids. And I know that now.

So my co-leader, Henry, and I got this group of, like, twelve year olds. We were on a canoe trip in New Hampshire. For most of these kids it was their first boys and girls camping trip and they were all just about to hit puberty (or maybe they had, I have no idea) so- they were very aware of trying to impress each other.

Fun fact about backpacking: most of your food is rehydrated so your shits are pretty watery. And you have to go out in the woods, dig a hole, and poop in the hole. We call it poop soup. I gave this little bathroom orientation before each trip, no matter the age of those travleing with me. I also laid down some nuggets of knowledge such as don’t wipe with leaves and if you pack it in, you have to pack it out (yes, I am talking about toilet paper).

So it’s a couple days in and it’s late at night. Henry and I are sitting around and winding down. Then we hear it. It sounded like… well someone grossing themselves out in a way that should never happen. Ever.

Some little boy had gone to go potty. And the little genius had his hoodie sweatshirt tied around his waist. And somehow didn’t notice the weight of a gallon of liquid shit filling up the hood…

So he put his sweatshirt back on.

The Little Shit Monster came running out of the woods like something out of a horror movie, crying, wailing because he had coated himself from head to toe in his own feces and the girls and other boys had seen him. Henry backed away and the Little Shit Monster was looking to me for consolation, I think he wanted a hug. He wanted to be soothed, like a little child. I didn’t know what to do- I hadn’t brought a bucket or hose and there just isn’t enough soap in the world for some things. Plus wiping someone else’s ass for them is far beyond my pay grade.

I tossed him in the river, threw him a line, and towed him back to base camp. I wouldn’t even let him in the boat. Because I’m a lady, god damn it. And he was a Little Shit Monster.

And that’s the story I told on a first date over dinner. One of them. Because I am awesome.

Oh, the date? Yeah that didn’t work out. *shrugs*

Take 1

12 Feb

I’ve lately been avoiding writing anything of substance. I’ve been avoiding everything in general I think. But a lot has happened, and it should be addressed. And it all will be addressed in good time. Here’s a summary of the nothingness that no one missed:

First of all, the holidays got me pretty down this year, for one reason or another. Who cares why. But so after New Years I decided to take care of some things.

For example: I have lived in New Mexico for eight years and it has always been a goal of mine to see Carlsbad Caverns National Park. It is the 2nd largest cave in the US, it used to be a coral reef, now it’s like a 30 million year old Flintstones world. So I saw that. It was awesome. (more on the caves to come later)

Then one of my childhood best friends got married. Couldn’t, wouldn’t miss it for the world. She decided her wedding would be in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Fuck yea. So then that happened. Puerto Rico is fabulous. It has since crossed my mind to simply move there. I think I am still happy with that decision. They have bioluminescense down there. (more on the Puerto Rico wedding to come later)

My birthday happened again. This year I am *ahem* 25. That was an ordeal. But then, my birthdays rarely ever go smoothly. I’ll tell y’all all about my 25th birthday someday.

Decided Floyd and me need a puppy in our lives. Well, I decided. We both miss Kiki. We’re both kind of aging these days. We could use with some youth. So we’re in the market for a baby hound :).

I need to stop avoiding my blog updates. I just gotta own it. Plus, a great friend of mine is starting his WordPress at Aarongonzales.net. Everyone should check it out.

And again, as I said, more to come. Just gotta find my words.

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