Archive | November, 2014

Seven « Dave Jordan Art

12 Nov

http://davejordanart.com/seven/

Dave is endlessly talented. Amazing.

This comic highlights a feeling I have so, so often. It won’t be long now.

Advertisements

Dia de los Muertos

7 Nov

Some wonderful friends hosted a lovely Dia de los Muertos luncheon on Sunday. They invited me to mourn Floyd. It makes my heart ache with love that they didn’t trivialize my loss or my pain because she was not human.

So I went and on the ofrenda or alter Frank and I hung up her name next to the others. It felt good to remember the dead, to acknowledge their passing, and to be amongst friends. It gave me some closure. Because you can’t have a funeral for a cat (though I desperately wanted to and thought she deserved it), I definitely needed that.

What an amazing and necessary holiday.

image

The Most Horrible Thing In the World

7 Nov

It is the worst thing. The worst thing ever. Up til now I haven’t even been able to write about it, to speak about it; but she deserves better than that on my part.

Floyd died. Floyd was killed, rather.

Frank and I went walking and everything was fine. Returning ten minutes later, her dead body was curled up on the sidewalk in front of my house. What the fuck kind of world is this?!

I grabbed her, not believing it was true, and ran inside. I screamed so hard and so long that I actually passed out. I came to still holding her tightly in my arms, my face buried in her fur.

It’s been a long time coming. We shared 18 wonderful years together. She was my best friend in the entire world, the reason I kept going, the one who greeted me when I got home, and the one who calmed me when I was upset. She was not a cat, she was a friend.

There was anger at first, because she left me alone in this fucked up world, because I wasn’t there with her when she departed, just because the world in general is awful and lonesome and callous. But then there just was aching sadness, an emptiness, a hole where my heart used to be that now is vacant and dusty.

She hated it when I cried. She would literally walk up and smack me in the face when I cried. So I will try not to cry as I write this.

It is terribly difficult to lose a friend. Terribly. Most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m on autopilot. It’s like as soon as I had life and shit under control (I didn’t, but it felt like it for a minute) I was plunged into a world of loss and nothingness.

I keep the doors open because she hated closed doors. But she’s gone. So there is no point now.

I guess I largely feel that way. What is the point now?

But I know that’s silly, I have to move on, to get over it.

I just don’t know how. I lost my pixie. My better half. My friend. My heart.

So now I just feel like an empty shell that goes through the motions. An aching, empty, pointless shell, whose only filler is loss.

How sad and terrible is that? Who made this world, and to what purpose?

Simply Irresistible

3 Nov

http://instagram.com/p/u2DNaRSnJ8/

This Halloween some friends and I dressed up as the ‘Simply Irresistible’ girls from that Robert Palmer video. It was a total blast.

image

%d bloggers like this: