Archive | March, 2016

Kung Fu Furballs

29 Mar

So I’ve been on a super budget lately while saving up for the summer, but even poor people get bored and want to go see a movie. I really want to see Batman v Superman, but I can wait a bit if it saves me $15. So the date and I went to the dollar theater and saw Kung Fu Panda 3 (which is adorable, btw). I call it the sticky foot theater because, well, your feet stick to all the grime and spilled soda on the floor.

We sat, eating popcorn and giggling, till near the end of the movie. I ate a handful of popcorn, thought something felt wrong, and pulled a hair out of my mouth.

Now I’ve been a little super stressed lately and my hair has been falling out because of it (I know, it is the plot of a horror movie in the making, and here I thought I was starring in a slapstick comedy) so I wasn’t sure if the hair was mine or someone else’s. I sat the popcorn on the floor.

My date leaned over and said, “Is there a lot of hair in that popcorn?”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

I just looked at him like he was an idiot- because he is- and ground my teeth for the rest of the movie. It really is funny and cute. I liked Kate Hudson’s panda character.

Anyway so at the end of the movie I let loose with the “WTF? Why did’t you say something? Whats wrong with you?”

And he answers, “You know what’s really messed up? I kept eating it. I found like 4 or 5 hairs and didn’t think anything of it.”

…What do you say to that? I just stared, astounded.

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Did I just lose my mojo?

28 Mar

The waiter was walking around with a tray of cheese biscuits and tiny cornbreads. We sat drinking our beers at the corner of the bar, thoroughly engrossed in a discussion about a new job. Mike smiled. “I bet you won’t be able to say no to this.” I thought he was saying something about our conversation. The waiter came by with the tray, and asked if we’d like some bread. I told him no thank you and went back to talking.

Then I did a double take. Did I really just dismiss cornbread? Why hadn’t I paid any attention? Of course I want cornbread and cheese biscuits. This was lunacy.

So I spent the next half hour following the waiter with hawkeyes as he went around with the tray. He went to one couple at the end of the bar, stood by the hostess and talked, passed through the dining room, went to the kitchen and came out with a fresh tray, stood and talked to some waiters…

Blood vessels in my eyes were bursting. Finally he came back our way. I made my happy eye contact and smiled big, batting my eyelashes, twisting in my seat and swishing my dress.

He smiled back. And then walked right past us with his stupid cheese biscuits and tiny cornbreads. Flirting fail. I just wanted some bread!

Fuck that bar.

I went home and made cornbread.

Fancy Frank Day

26 Mar

Today Sweet Baby Frank got a shave and a hair cut, followed by a scrubby bath, and then another haircut. I even cut his nails (and didn’t paint them). It was like a mini spa day for Little F. I’m a bit jealous. If only he could cut and brush my hair for me. Anyway, he spent all afternoon acting like a total stud because of it.   

The most interesting dog in the world.

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He doesn’t always eat cashews, but when he does, it is out of his own turd.

How many games is too many games?

21 Mar

Friends and I competed in a board games Olympic style stand off this weekend. It got a bit heated.

How many board games is too many board games? That is the question.

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…dorks.

I Once Knew a Girl

16 Mar

I once knew a girl. Short, feisty, honest. Scary. Could catch a fish with her bare hands and ride horses without saddles. She had flashy eyes and catlike reflexes. I liked her.

Good story.

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