Greatest Dates of All Time

28 Jun

Ok, my title is misleading. But I recently talked with some friends about some of our favorite dates of all time.

I’ll start with one of my favorites. Girl, young, successful, beautiful, great personality, goes to dinner in Phoenix with a guy she met online and really seems to like. Wears white booty shorts to showcase her rocking body and legs. Sits down… and sharts herself. So immediately she jumps up and backs the whole way out of the restaurant, just repeating over and over that it’s not him, she just has a personal problem. Never sees him again.

A lady I know has MS. When she has to pee, she has to pee. She went on a date with a guy who picked her up in a new, slamming Porsche sports car. When they get to the restaurant, the parking lot is packed and Porsche guy is too cheap (or whatever) for valet. He’s driving all around the parking lot as she says, “Can you just drop me off at the door, I’ll run in to the restroom while you park.” To which he replies, “No no, we’ll find a spot soon.” So they park and as soon as she gets out, she pees herself. Being super resourceful, she sees a water wall fountain by the door, and quickly falls in. Her date freaks out because now she’s a mess. She asks him to drive her home, and he replies that he doesn’t have a towel. She calls a cab. Never sees him again.

My buddy’s mom decided to start dating again, years after her divorce, so she goes online and sets a date with a seemingly mature older gentleman. When he arrives for the date he quickly states, “You don’t look like your picture” and gets up and leaves. Forgets his wallet. She picks it up and follows him to give it back. When he sees her following he takes off running. So then she takes off after him yelling “Mister!”. He runs on, she keeps chasing. I love the visual of two old people in a foot chase down the street. They did not see each other again.

Another guy went out to a club and met someone to go home with. Upon arriving, the man says he hopes it’s not a problem, but he has a couple cats. A couple. They go inside and like 17 cats are running around. He tried to overlook it but about five minutes in has too leave. More pussy than dick in that apartment, as he tells it. Never saw him again.

Anyhow those are just a few. More to come later.

One Response to “Greatest Dates of All Time”

  1. Gary Nelson September 2, 2016 at 2:32 pm #

    Really real and very funny.


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