Archive | July, 2018

I’m basically Beyonce sexy

24 Jul

I can start a day off right.

Well I’ll just tell you the story, shall I?

Last night I couldn’t get my phone to charge- I had left it in my truck and it overheated and went all haywire on me for a while.  And I haven’t gotten internet in my house yet. And I needed to do some things that involved me connecting to the world. So I was bored and frustrated. My best friend was out being a butthead (another story entirely).

So I just went to bed without doing like… any chores (and my house is a construction zone so there are always plenty).

I left my laundry in the basket like only half of it folded and still sitting in the bedroom floor in the hamper by the closet…

And got up and did my morning shower and animal chasing and lunch packing and sock matching routine and went to work.

Then I was like, holy crap. What is this smell in here? And I searched for a while before I figured out I hadn’t left an old sandwich in my desk or whatever… it was me.

Then I had to locate it.

I had dog barf on the back of my shirt.

That happened.

I calmly got up and walked out to my truck parked on the street in front of one of the other municipal buildings in our complex, found a different shirt, changed shirts, and walked nonchalantly back inside.

…Then two of the firemen from the building next door came over to introduce themselves.

! facepalm !

They totally saw me change my shirt.

I should have asked them to hose the dog barf off for me.

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Grumpy

18 Jul

A quick list of my frustrations:

Ok I don’t like the office life that has now become me. I worry that it is making me fat. I am starting to dislike the smell of coffee. I hate being like “This heat, huh?” or “TGIF” or “Feels like a Monday”.

I don’t like having to grieve with people because I would rather do it alone. I don’t care for watching the big strong people in my life hurting.

I hate trying to keep my house clean because it is just too big and the crap never ends. Dirt comes in every window and door anytime I look away.

I hate hearing peoples’ everyday problems when I have my own. I’m too much of a sponge.

….I guess I would I would say I am grumpy today. Little bit hormonal and I have a toothache.

I had to go to like 3 different places to get flowers for a funeral I don’t want to go to and why is everyone in the world a butthead?

It’s like….I want to be a good person and do the right thing and stand up but I also just want to punch this life in the face and demand another.

Also it doesn’t help that I can’t breathe now since I broke my nose again so I have to mouth breathe and it’s harder than that sounds so I literally suck in every breath I take. It is gross. I sound like a total creep. And I still don’t have healthcare.

And it is still not raining.

Me to this summer: “How dare you. On just every single level. How the fuck dare you.”

I also think I need an emergency dentist or pliers. But no one I know will pull a tooth out for me so I would have to do it myself. The boyfriend told me I can die if I get blood poisoning and I probably have that. And scurvy. And like arthritis. And like Ebola or something. Rabies.

But at the end of the day the hot guy at work’s brother followed me on Instagram so I guess I’m like basically famous.

Me to this summer: “Bring it.”

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