Archive | January, 2019

Karma is a bitch…

25 Jan

Karma is a bitch in the good way. Sometimes I guess.

So you know how sometimes you just get off the phone- FINALLY- after a super annoying phone call, so you just expect the rest of your day to be garbage. Garbage day after bullshit conversation.

Yet instead the world rewarded me and supported me. It was like “yo girl, did you just come off as bitchy? Don’t worry. Gotcha back” and I found a crumped $20 in a coat I hardly ever wear as I did my laundry.

It’ll be a good night after all. My coat told me so.

Revenge Served Steamy

17 Jan

Oh my god, y’all. It has FINALLY happened. I had a blanket over my lap while I wrote and Frank crawled under the blanket. He does that all the time but this timing was perfect. I just unleashed the BIGGEST BEST FART and trapped him in there like a ten year old bully at summer camp. I’ve waited years for this moment.

*satisfaction*

Boobs

15 Jan

I just had the realization that my friends are no longer getting boob jobs to enlarge them, now they are having boob jobs because of cancer.

I feel old.

And powerless. And scared.

I’ll just watch a fish tank for a few hours.

Catnipping Nips

15 Jan

Ok.

This will be disturbing.

I sleep naked. Always. Unless I’m trying to be polite to intruders or guests or I am a guest or something.

Ever since they were kittens Lou Diamond and Cheese always slept with me.

And Cheese ALWAYS tried to chew on my nips. It’s just his thing and I thought at first maybe he thought I was mama cat or something.

So now he is 3 years old. And at 6am he just licked/nibbled my nipple.

Do I just put him down or rehome him or what? Because that is a horrible thing to wake up to. And he is a grown cat that cannot be instinct anymore.

Though he does bring me headless birds….

Oh god with those same teeth. I just barfed a little in my mouth.

Wait let him maim my family real quick and we will call it a day.

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