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Doin’ the Cockroach

15 May

I woke up this morning to a giant cockroach crawling across me AS I LAY IN BED.

I totally lost my shit. So gross. I leapt up and pulled all the bedding up with me, threw it on the floor and did a stomping dance that made the punk rocker in me proud. Things were knocked off of the bedside table, the remote was thrown across the room- I was like one step away from tossing a TV through a window just for the hell of it, because I already felt like a Pink Floyd video.

After my tantrum I systematically looked through my sheets to make sure the thing was dead.

So I need the Ghostbusters to come and watch me when I’m asleep and an exterminator to basically blow up every cockroach on my block. Why can’t my bats eat cockroaches? Nature is crazy.

It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about that thing. I’m just going to go see Modest Mouse and try to forget.


All the Noise and Lack Thereof

22 Jun

Crickets and frogs and wind and ocean and cliffs and rustles and breezes and birds. It’s never truly silent.
It just feels like it.
Like the island is its own music.

Let it Happen

21 Jun

“It’s always around me all this noise
But not nearly as loud as the voice saying
Let it happen…
Let it happen…
It’s going to feel so good.”

It’s crazy living with your coworkers in such a small space. Like 27 hamsters in a tiny little cage. They can smell my feet and I can hear their chatter. We get used to each other. Maybe too used to it.

“All this running around
Trying to cover my shadow
An ocean growing inside
All the others seem shallow

All this running around
Bearing down on my shoulders
I can hear an alarm
Must be a warning.”

At least we have a decent soundtrack to it.

Getting Classy

23 Feb

Going straight classy tonight. Lit a bunch of candles, filled a bubble bath, turned on my happy new playlist

Then i ate a sandwich in the bath tub, while smoking joint, and am now attempting to dye my own hair. Like some kind of animal. By candle light. Because I haven’t learned anything yet.

Don’t Swallow the Cap

11 Mar

Listening to Don’t Swallow the Cap by the National. I’m head over heels for it.

“Everything I love is on the table
Everything I love is out to sea

I have only two emotions
Careful fear and dead devotion
I can’t get the balance right
Throw my marbles in the fight…”


24 Aug

Challenge is for lovers.

But when I run my feet hurt.

So I’ll stay here and fight for lovers’ rights.

Say it Ain’t So!

12 Jun

Little F is sick. Violent diarrhea. Violent. He chewed up one of the ice packs I use for my foot. ‘Ice substitute’ it says. ‘Non-toxic’ it says. ‘Do not ingest’ is written on the back.

I’ve got a pretty weak stomach anyway, but the things I have seen come out of this dog are just pure unadulterated evil. Satan dwells in Little Frank’s colon. Demons were expelled- all over my bedroom. I’m talking walls, floors- I threw away the trash can. It was horrific. Horrific. How can so much poop come out of a 30lb puppy? He pooped up a soupy mixture that was actually gelatinous. It was like poop algae. Like vomit poop.

Screw the zombie apocalypse. They should make horror movies about gelatinous shit algae monsters. Nothing can compare to the horror that Little Frank just unleashed. He had such a panicked look on his face. He probably thought the apocalypse was happening in his bowels.

So I dry heaved my way out to the backyard with everything that once was in the bedroom, and anything that couldn’t go in the washing machine (thank God for the ‘sanitary’ function) got thoroughly hosed down and coated in Clorox.

It’s a good thing I love him. Because I died a little on the inside. This experience sealed the  deal. I am never having children.

Here’s my horror movie afternoon soundtrack:

Panic Switch – Silversun Pickups

Barrel of a Gun – Guster

Frank Sinatra – Cake

Debonair – The Afghan Whigs

Fluorescent Adolescent – Arctic Monkeys

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

The Persuaded – Faded Paper Figures

Hearts A Mess – Gotye

Together – The XX

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