Tag Archives: Cat

The Most Horrible Thing In the World

7 Nov

It is the worst thing. The worst thing ever. Up til now I haven’t even been able to write about it, to speak about it; but she deserves better than that on my part.

Floyd died. Floyd was killed, rather.

Frank and I went walking and everything was fine. Returning ten minutes later, her dead body was curled up on the sidewalk in front of my house. What the fuck kind of world is this?!

I grabbed her, not believing it was true, and ran inside. I screamed so hard and so long that I actually passed out. I came to still holding her tightly in my arms, my face buried in her fur.

It’s been a long time coming. We shared 18 wonderful years together. She was my best friend in the entire world, the reason I kept going, the one who greeted me when I got home, and the one who calmed me when I was upset. She was not a cat, she was a friend.

There was anger at first, because she left me alone in this fucked up world, because I wasn’t there with her when she departed, just because the world in general is awful and lonesome and callous. But then there just was aching sadness, an emptiness, a hole where my heart used to be that now is vacant and dusty.

She hated it when I cried. She would literally walk up and smack me in the face when I cried. So I will try not to cry as I write this.

It is terribly difficult to lose a friend. Terribly. Most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m on autopilot. It’s like as soon as I had life and shit under control (I didn’t, but it felt like it for a minute) I was plunged into a world of loss and nothingness.

I keep the doors open because she hated closed doors. But she’s gone. So there is no point now.

I guess I largely feel that way. What is the point now?

But I know that’s silly, I have to move on, to get over it.

I just don’t know how. I lost my pixie. My better half. My friend. My heart.

So now I just feel like an empty shell that goes through the motions. An aching, empty, pointless shell, whose only filler is loss.

How sad and terrible is that? Who made this world, and to what purpose?

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Welcome Back, Cat-ter

30 Aug

Recently something horrible happened. Something grotesque and vile and gut-wrenchingly sad.

I hurt Floyd. I maimed her.

I didn’t mean to. She had been shedding her fluffy fur because of the crazy summer heat and all the stress and roadtrips and whatnot. This nasty furball had developed on her hips. She couldn’t pull it out on her own. I offered to help. I had some old mustache scissors that weren’t very sharp, I thought they’d do the trick. But then the Little F and his doggie friend got to playing and I turned briefly to tell them to knock it off, whatever they were doing.

And I sliced Floyd’s skin like paper. I cut her open like a fish.

She twisted and grabbed at the spot and suddenly her frail little skin just ripped open like a gaping chasm, waiting to swallow up all the happiness in the world. I started crying. She started crying. We both started crying. We went to the vet. She got some kitty stitches. We came home. She took a long walk outside and gave me the harshest cold shoulder possible.

This lasted for days. I tried to bribe her with chicken, tuna, steak. I got her catnip, toy mice, feathers. She just grumbled and cussed at me. I can’t blame her.

Until last night. She woke me up around 3am, howling at the bedroom door. I got up and let her in and she crawled into bed next to me. We didn’t discuss what happened. We just said we were sorry and went back to sleep.

What a wild strange trip it’s been.

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Laser Floyd Effigy

17 May

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I made a light-up laser effigy of my cat, Floyd. Pretty sweet Friday night, if you asked me.

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Oh Noes!

7 Apr

http://instagram.com/p/XxPDVupToZ/

Lazy Sunday

3 Mar

Me and my family on a wonderful and warm Sunday morning. Finally everyone is getting along!
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Punching Bags

15 Jan

My cat just came to hang out with me. She sat next to me while I slept, watched me for a bit, and then punched me in the face.

Which caused the biggest nosebleed of my life to occur. A true gusher.

My teeth ache. And my eyes. I’m worried she may have broken my nose.

How can so much blood come out of a face?

She maimed me (on accident) and now I know that my heart still works because it is pumping a steady flow of blood through my nostrils.

Fun fact: nosebleeds make you want to sneeze. Supplemental fun fact: it looks like American Psycho in here.

That’s good. This is actually a good thing. Maybe I needed some all-encompassing face pain to distract me from my heartbreak (life).

Always so wise, Floyd.

I swear to god if I get black eyes from this I’m giving up. No more fucks will be given.

Turns out I really like the taste of blood, though (probably something I shouldn’t say on the interwebs).

Ah, salmon steaks on the face. Classic Tuesday.

Holy Cow, I love you!

30 Jul

I’ve got a pretty great job, if I do say so myself. I spend my days around one my favorite things in life- cheeseburgers. When you hate your job, or dread going to work each day, or bring stress home with you, the whole quality of life thing really degenerates fast, so it’s good to be in a place that makes you happy. And I am.

We recently celebrated the one-year anniversary of our little burger joint, and it really made me think about all the things that place means to so many different people. It’s more than just a paycheck – it’s a tiny family. We all care about the success our little burger joint. A successful first year for a small business is really quite a feat.

The servers all chipped in and had two bobble heads made in the likeness of our two owners. They were pretty funny, I must say. We also brought breakfast for everyone, and had a cake at around four. It was a nice day.

Over the last year, as we were learning and finding our stride, we have made a lot of friends and seen a lot of stuff. So here are a few of the highlights.

The old man who used to come to the old Bob’s Fish and Chips with his son in the seventies. Now his son is dead, and he sat tearing up on the patio while eating his burger because of all the happy memories it brought back.

That time we tried to serve breakfast- it was a total fiasco.

Right around the time we opened someone pooped on our back door.

When the feral cats of the neighborhood started hanging out at our dumpster- and reproducing like crazy. We still have about seven cats that we feed and water. We call them the Holy Kitties.

The brother and sister duo that stopped in during their road trip from California to Florida.

When Mark Ruffalo came in on opening night.

When we got the new air conditioner for the kitchen and it caused the computers to crash.

The kidnapping. Late one night we were cleaning the restaurant and a car sped down the street and haphazardly into the parking lot next door. The back door opened and a woman fell out. The driver then put her back in the car and sped away.

That time a bus pulled up and unloaded all of the residents of a local nursing home into the restaurant. (This now happens on the regular, but that first time was a doozy.)

That time a hooker and a pimp came in to get out of the cold, and when they were asked to leave the man started screaming about how the restaurant had rats and that he was “too fucking classy” to eat there.

When we bought the bad batch of pens and they started exploding everywhere and on everyone.

Our salad cook was waiting at the bus stop after a day in the hot kitchen in the middle of summer when a religious group, thinking she was homeless (she did look pretty rough), gave her a paper bag with “God Loves You” written on it and containing a mashed up PB&J, a bottle of water, and cookies.

The little kid who, as he was putting his burger into a to-go box, said “See ya later”- to the burger!

The little boy who told me ‘Happy Mother’s Day.”

The Finnish motorcycle gang who stopped in during their tour of old Route 66.

When one of our servers told a guest to “chill out and relax” when she was very clearly not into being chill or relaxed.

When the salad cook accidentally coated a server from head to toe in cucumber Greek yogurt dipping sauce. That was awesome.

When one of our bosses tricked a server into drinking a ranch milkshake by telling her it was a new menu item.

That time I got off working two doubles in a row and discovered that during my shift one of my coworkers had filled my purse with apples and sugar packets.

That time when they got to work to open and discovered that during the night someone had left a wedding dress drenched in human poop on the corner of the patio. That really happened, yes.

Someone once drove their car up the sidewalk and literally to our front door.

When it got really hot and we had two new air conditioner vents installed- and then the rainy season started and the vents leaked buckets of water into the dining room.

Our slew of fun and weird characters that make a second home out of the joint.

And all the ups and downs, highs and lows, that go into a year in an emerging small business.

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