Tag Archives: cornbread

Did I just lose my mojo?

28 Mar

The waiter was walking around with a tray of cheese biscuits and tiny cornbreads. We sat drinking our beers at the corner of the bar, thoroughly engrossed in a discussion about a new job. Mike smiled. “I bet you won’t be able to say no to this.” I thought he was saying something about our conversation. The waiter came by with the tray, and asked if we’d like some bread. I told him no thank you and went back to talking.

Then I did a double take. Did I really just dismiss cornbread? Why hadn’t I paid any attention? Of course I want cornbread and cheese biscuits. This was lunacy.

So I spent the next half hour following the waiter with hawkeyes as he went around with the tray. He went to one couple at the end of the bar, stood by the hostess and talked, passed through the dining room, went to the kitchen and came out with a fresh tray, stood and talked to some waiters…

Blood vessels in my eyes were bursting. Finally he came back our way. I made my happy eye contact and smiled big, batting my eyelashes, twisting in my seat and swishing my dress.

He smiled back. And then walked right past us with his stupid cheese biscuits and tiny cornbreads. Flirting fail. I just wanted some bread!

Fuck that bar.

I went home and made cornbread.


Black Eyed Peas, Please

18 Oct

Black eyed peas are one of my favorite foods in a major major way. I love them so much. I only make them, however, a few times a year and it’s usually for a holiday or some celebration. I don’t know, maybe I’m too lazy to do it often, or maybe they lose their charm if they become a monthly meal.

Anyway, here’s how you do it. You get fresh peas when you can, which out here in New Mexico is next to never, or you get a bag of dried peas. Soak them overnight in just enough water to cover them, then in the morning rinse them off and place them in a crock pot.

In the crock pot place half a chopped yellow onion, some chopped garlic, tabasco, salt, pepper, chopped tomato, chopped jalapeños  (I like to use the pickled ones for tang but fresh work too), some tabasco peppers, a little tabasco pepper vinegar, and a dash of cayenne. Fill with chicken broth enough to cover. I always put salt pork, ham, bacon, or fat back in mine for the fat and flavor, and I highly recommend cooking the peas with a fatty meat, but for a vegetarian version vegetable broth and no meat is acceptable. Cook on low 8 hours or high 4 hours. During the last half hour make cornbread to sop up the pea juice/broth.

You’re welcome, tummies.


Soul Food Saturday

6 Jul


Cooking up some southern yummies for the weekend. Biscuits, gravy, bacon, and some delicious turkey pot pie and cornbread for dinner. Sounds good to me!

Comfort Food

4 Jun

It seems no one, anywhere, ever makes a meal quite like you get at home- but when home is far away and you’re craving some soul food, replicating old family recipes sure is worth a try.

Now me, I’ve never been too good in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand HOW cooking works and what dishes SHOULD consist of, but in actual execution I’m a wreck in the kitchen. Smoke alarms and fire extinguishers are two very necessary kitchen utensils in my home.

All that aside, I have been craving my Aunt Gloria’s cornflake chicken and some collard greens all day. Nothing will fix this- except, of course, a lively kitchen debacle and a few phone calls home. I rustled through some old recipes and found a collard greens recipe that my brother wrote for me step-by-step. I call it collard greens for dummies. He calls it “Ed’s Bombastic Greasy Spoon Collard Greens”

You’re welcome.

Ed’s Bombastic Greasy Spoon Collard Greens

1 bunch fresh collard greens cut into 1 inch ribbons

4 oz. fatback (salt pork) or six slices bacon, diced up

1/2 a white or yellow onion, diced

4 or 5 cloves of garlic, minced (he adds more because he loves garlic- and fears vampires)

4 or so diced tomatoes

Chicken broth, pinch of sugar, salt and pepper

– Fry up the fatback until all that yummy grease is in the pan  (not kidding, this is how it’s written) then add the onion and lower the heat. Cook until the onions are pale and soft, then add the garlic and stir around until it smells all sweet and yummy- !DO NOT BURN THE GARLIC! or your greens will be bitter and an offense to all southern cooking (he’s very dramatic, my brother).

– Now add the greens and stir them around with all the fatback, onions, and garlic. When they start to wilt, sizzle, and pop, add the tomatoes and chicken broth to cover the greens.

– Season with a little pinch of sugar and some salt and pepper.

– Cook uncovered about 45 minutes or until tender, adding broth if it gets too low. They should be wet, but not too soupy.

– Serve with cornbread and sweet tea (all of his recipes end with this).


…Oh yea, and the cornflake chicken? Yea, I’m just going to wing that one- brilliant, right?

This is me in ABC

8 Dec

A – Age? I’m maturing. Like wine

B – Bed size? Whose bed?

C – Chore you hate? Trying to figure out what went on the night before. And where the hell my shoes are.

D – Dog’s name? I love Jess, Joey, and Heather’s dogs… and that is enough for me.

E – Essential start of your day item? Vibrator

F – Favorite color? Purple- like royalty. And red- like blood.

G – Gold or Silver? Gold- and no strings attached

H – Height?  I tower over New Mexico.

I – Instruments you play(ed)?  Stereo.

J – Job title?  Administrative Assistant. That means secretary.

K – Kids? No, thanks. I like my life and my vagina just the way they are.

L – Living arrangements?  In sin

M – Mom’s name? Your mama jokes are so 1994…

N – Nicknames? Lindsay G, L-Train, LG, hey pretty, you lush

O – Overnight hospital stay? I hope not, I didn’t think it was that serious!

P – Pet Peeve? People that talk about themselves in ABC format.

Q – Quote from a movie? ” The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room.”

R – Right or left handed? Right, but it really depends on what I am doing. I can use them both at once if I’m feeling particularly spunky.

S – How many siblings? Just one. The world is overwhelmed enough by me.

T – Time you wake up? I wake up around seven every day but whenever the drunk wears off is when I really start ticking.

U- Underwear?  Currently? Or in general?

V – Vegetable you dislike?  Judgey wudgey was a bear! Everything is beautiful in its own way. But no seriously- watermelons. They have no business being vegatables. Go back to your home on fruit-whore Island, watermelons!

W – Ways you run late?  Wait, what kind of ‘late’ are you referring to?

X – What was the question?  “I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear”

Y – Yummy food you make?  Jalapeno cornbread. Oh, and I make a mean bloody mary. That’s food, right?

Z – Zoo animals?  Smell horrible

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