Tag Archives: Twitter

Drowning

17 Oct

Fun facts for the day.

One day I should tell the story of the time I drowned…
But I lived, obviously…
So it’s kind of a snooze.

Check out @UberFacts’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/UberFacts/status/390886320404692992

Floozy Flu

25 Sep

He offered to drive me to the far north edge of town. It was miles away. A police chase had totalled my car a couple weeks earlier (I know what you’re thinking, but no, I was not involved). The insurance adjuster had finally come out to take a look at all the property damage along the street, which included my car, and I needed to go to her office up north and sign some paperwork. Great.

So he drove me what seemed like half way to Santa Fe. He was glad to, happy to spend some time with the girl he had met the day before after months of interaction on Twitter. I’m not making that up either, sad as it is; we met on Twitter.

So we met up, hung out, made out, and the next day journeyed to the far reaches of the Heights. It was March in Central New Mexico. The mornings were brisk and the days were getting increasingly warm, yet my jacket was not warm enough that day and I was miserably cold.

After the trip north we went to his apartment so he could feed/I could meet the dog. I asked if he had a sweatshirt I might borrow. I couldn’t shake the cold, but we had committed to dinner, and I was confident that with a bit of warm I could power through. Armed with two jackets, his sweatshirt, a scarf, and arm socks we met some new friends of ours for a bite and a drink.

I made it perhaps fifteen minutes at Gecko’s and asked him to take me home. The chills had turned into sweats and shakes. My head was pounding. I needed some Nyquil and my cat. He could wait.

The next day a new friend’s friend drove me up north again. This time we went to the urgent care, where I was deposited for the duration of the day. I was given fluids and some symptom relief, and the despairing news that last night during my first date I had come down with a roaring case of the swine flu.

“Go home. Expect it to last at least a week. Drink fluids. Stay hydrated. Have someone check on you. You’re young and strong. This may be the worst you ever feel, but it probably won’t kill you. Most likely.”

A friend came to get me, practically peeling me up off the floor. He stocked up my sick supplies and saw me back to bed.
Months later, after another rescue, I would give this friend a kitten.

Flu shots. I got one today. Do you remember March 2011 when I came down with the swine flu? I do. Vividly. Well, kinda (I ended up passing out and hallucinating a lot). Never again. Never. Although if that’s what dying is like, as painful it is, it was also amazingly and indescribably beautiful; and despite carrying on for a week it felt surprisingly swift.

Do us all a favor. Go get your flu shot. Save yourself and all of those poor sniffling souls around you. There’s really no reason not to.

http://m.cdc.gov/en/HealthSafetyTopics/DiseasesConditions/SeasonalFlu/forEveryone/keyFactsVaccine

Tweet from New Mexico News (@New_Mexico_News)

19 Jun

New Mexico News (@New_Mexico_News) tweeted at 8:25 PM on Wed, Jun 19, 2013:

Sheep cover the hills of northern NM, sounding almost human. “BLOOD,” one seems to say, and the others echo and concur. “BLOOD,” they agree.

Get the official Twitter app at https://twitter.com/download

I made it to yet another birthday!

8 Feb

We all had our doubts… Hehe!image

The Juice-Fast Part Two: Death to Juices

27 Jan

A lot of you have asked about how the juice-fast is going. I thought this little update was in order to inform you all of my current dietary habits, or- my current erratic dietary disasters. Here’s my annotated  and abridged Twitter feed regarding the juice disasters.

17 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Day one of juice-fast: encountered first problem. Couldn’t figure out juicer assembly. Went to Sadie’s for enchiladas.

17 Jan @lindsaygrocks

“I’m not going to do more exercise. I’m just going to start not eating.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Floyd, don’t run. It’s not going to be bad. It’s just juice.

(My cat runs screaming from the room at the sight of the juicer.)

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

It’s a good thing that the shake weight is on Groupon right now because if there was ever anything I needed to learn to exercise…

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

What the…? Oh- it isn’t plugged in.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Holy! It’s like the cabbage apocalypse.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

How? How? HOW? It’s a goddamn JUICER. Stupid smoke alarm.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

My first adventure. This smells like nasty/gag reflex/I want a cheeseburger. pic.twitter.com/MpsVk2rr

 View photo

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

OH THE HUMANITY!

(Cabbage juice is exactly what it sounds like… disgusting.)

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

I just drank 6 mandarin oranges in about a minute. I feel sick. Yea this diet and I are not going to get along.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

I’m starting a juice-fast. I give myself 6 hours. QT @thedandee:@lindsaygrocks Why would you DRINK oranges?

 In reply to thedandee

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Juice-fast is bullshit. So fucking hungry.

18 Jan @lindsaygrocks

I just ousted @of_the_rose as the mayor of BrickYard Pizza on@foursquare4sq.com/bhSTgz

 from Brickyard Pizza, Albuquerque

(About eight hours after starting my juice-only diet, I ate pizza.)

20 Jan @lindsaygrocks

You know how some people can bite into their fajitas? I’m jealous of those people.

23 Jan @lindsaygrocks

“That’s really fucked up, Lindsay.” -I tell @of_the_rose there is no caffeine or alcohol on revised-juice-fast-round-two.

(After I failed miserably at abstaining from eating solid, delicious, junk food, I decided to give it another go. Because juicing creates a lot of fruit-pulp, I decided I was allowed to use that pulp for baked goods. I could also eat eggs and yogurt and nuts and such, but not meat. I also had to take a multi-vitamin.)

23 Jan @lindsaygrocks

When I brought home the groceries, Floyd flipped for the carrots. Now she’s acting funny… like there was catnip on them.

23 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Things I Need to do Today: wp.me/p14YNF-5k via @lindsaygrocks

 View media

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Perhaps this kamikaze baking wasn’t such a great idea after all…

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Rest assured… I have absolutely NO idea what is going on… goddamn smoke alarm.

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

All was silent and then a loud BANG was heard in the oven. I’m too scared to look.

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

kitchens gone wild

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

I found an elegant solution: disable smoke alarm.

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

OMG OMG how did I make it this far into the day without noticing there is a strange man in my house?! Holy fuckballs!

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

Ok so the stranger was pretty cute- so I gave him one of the purple muffins I had just lit afire in the oven. He’s like the royal taster.

(My muffins came out bright purple and weighed like 18 pounds each. They tasted like a mix between purple and healthy. Note to self: Next time, keep the different fruit and vegetable pulps SEPARATE from each other. Spinach, celery, orange, carrot, strawberry, blueberry, pear, and cucumber aren’t exactly buddies on the tongue.)

25 Jan @lindsaygrocks

uh oh. Now I can’t figure out how to put the smoke alarm back together.

23h @lindsaygrocks

Coffee + tomatoes… I’ll be right back…

So in the end, I did fail hardcore at the whole juice-fast thing. Hell, I even failed at refraining from meat for a week, but it wasn’t all for naught. For the last few weeks I have succeeded in eating a little healthier, taking vitamins, and reducing my caffeine intake. I don’t know that I will ever eat a bell pepper cupcake again, but I have developed a wider range of eating habits, incorporating more fruits and vegetables. So perhaps all the cheeseburgers and pizza are not necessarily the devil.

I did lose weight, and I’m sure it will come back, but it was extremely rewarding to see my bathroom scale smiling instead of buckling under my weight.

Now if you’ll excuse me, all I have consumed today was a cup of coffee and a pack of multi-vitamins. Feeling a little sick. Going to chow on some yogurt, granola, and fresh fruit (With candied walnuts and drizzled in honey. I never learn.)

Did I Ever Tell You About the Time….

16 Nov

So I do have one story.

I have been trying to live on the cheap. I started trying to eat at home more (I got food poisoning) I quit shopping (which resulted in me trying to ‘alter’ all my clothes and hardly any of them survived) stopped attending brunch (it’s all champagne anyway) and quit taking cabs when I don’t want to ride the bus or walk. But the best… the real winner is I decided to save $100 by dying my hair at home instead of a salon. And… big surprise…. it didn’t work.

So on Sunday I went to Walgreens and got some home hair dye that said ‘reddish brown’ and went home, put it in my hair, and it came out NEON pink and ORANGE. Horrifying.

I thought it was kind of funny though, because as long as I referred to it as ‘super hero hair’ my boyfriend found it totally sexy and I hadn’t had that high of hopes for dying my own hair anyway. But I was still a little peeved.

You know how on the right hand side of your Facebook feed there is always that ‘People You May Know’ or friend suggestions or whatever? Well Twitter has something similar on the right hand side that says “Who to follow.” Well THAT DAY on my Twitter, on the side, was @ClairolColor (Clairol beauty products) and the bio was all about how they have excellent hair color (reliable was a word thrown haphazardly around) I was a bit bitchy and cranky so I wrote a tweet that said:

@ClairolColor I look like Ronald MacDonald and a troll doll’s love child. Excellent work. Keep it up”

Luckily, Monday is my off-day. So I wore a hat to Walgreens and got a box called ‘medium brown’ and I figured that’d be dark enough to cover it. When I got home, I found a tweet from @ClairolColor and I was kind of stoked that my little joke got heard all the way from Albuquerque – except that the reply said:

@lindsaygrocks Oh no! I want to help. DM me your info so we can chat!”

And I don’t know why but I was still all sassy so I Dm’d something that wasn’t the nicest thing I have ever said to anyone or any hair color company ever.

So they send another about a Color Expert to which I didn’t reply and another about how they wanted to insure satisfaction to which I didn’t reply…

Meantime I try to dye my hair brown, which doesn’t work, just makes it darker super hero color.

And meantime I notice a lot of activity on my Twitter- like 30 new followers in an hour or so (I usually get one or two a day)

And then at around 3pm my phone rang from a 513 number and I looked over, joking, and said, “It’s probably the fucking Clairol people.”

It was Clairol.

Some one in Clairol called and started with “Is this Lindsay? Yes? Well, I read your tweet… something about Ronald MacDonald and…”

“And a troll doll, yes. That was me.”

So then she talks to me about what I did, how I did it, and offers to pay a salon to fix it for me! I should complain about way more things way more often!!

The best part is, as she was hanging up, she says all awkwardly and regrettably, “Thanks for tweeting” – no shit.

Thanks Twitter, for bringing the common people and ‘The Man’ together everyday.

My Life, Abridged

27 Sep

I realized I hadn’t posted in a while. I also realized that I (as usual) have nothing to say. So here is a severely abridged account of my Twitter feed since my last post.  The highlights include a bird getting into the house and dying in the refrigerator, homemade food poisoning, sewage seeping from bathroom pipes, my cat getting lost, and of course, me having multiple dental issues. 

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

Birds love dying around me lately.

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

I wonder if it was a boy or girl bird that met its maker inside the fridge.

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

Dear Sunflower: ‘French’ is not a flavor.

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

I didn’t die in the shower today yet I still might succeed in killing myself #foodpoisoning

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

This is why I should not be allowed to cook.

lindsaygrocks 18 Jul

O U C H

lindsaygrocks 19 Jul

This is how shitty I feel: I’m watching Twilight.

lindsaygrocks 19 Jul

@of_the_rose tried to kill us today. It was worse than that time I thought we fell in a hole, but we didn’t.

of_the_rose 19 Jul

A&E could do a 2-hour episode of Intervention for #BroUpCrew.

lindsaygrocks 20 Jul

“It’s not your species, its your horrible personality.” – Bronx, to the neighbor’s cat.

lindsaygrocks 20 Jul

#ABQ is so #GothamCity with this judge/prostitution scandal going on. I would love to be horrified but I’m too busy assembling a #BatSignal

lindsaygrocks 20 Jul

At @LaunchpadABQ to see @colourmusic. It’s fantastic.

lindsaygrocks 22 Jul

…guess who found the scissors… and now has a super sexy haircut?

lindsaygrocks 22 Jul

It’s just about ‘intervention-thirty’.

lindsaygrocks 26 Jul

There are so many feathers on the patio. It’s like someone killed a chicken. And I missed it.

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

Ready for yet another disappointing trip to the dentist. Go go gadget dentures.

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

Children’s toys always look so disgusting.

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

I hate the word ‘pulp’ when listening to a dentist tell me about my teeth.

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

Somedays, you just need to look at a dentist with tears in your eyes, scream “why?!” and then punch him in the nose.

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

Two words: Shark week

lindsaygrocks 1 Aug

“…a reign of terror against fur seals”

lindsaygrocks 2 Aug

Putting on my big girl panties…

lindsaygrocks 3 Aug

It just goes to show… you never know what a smile and a cheeseburger might mean to someone.

lindsaygrocks 5 Aug

Nothing is more miserable than a horrible musician, a coffee shop, and a spare guitar

lindsaygrocks 7 Aug

So goes the summer of the dead tooth

lindsaygrocks 7 Aug

Things I need to prepare for tax free weekend at the mall: half a percocet and a gin martini.

lindsaygrocks 7 Aug

I’m fully aware that I am a grown woman who takes gummy vitamins.

lindsaygrocks 7 Aug

Am celebrating my first day off with champagne and new pillows.

lindsaygrocks 10 Aug

So remember when I had that dead tooth? I think I just killed a toe. Dead toe.

lindsaygrocks 12 Aug

This day has had it in for me ever since I got stood up and another toe abandoned ship.

lindsaygrocks 12 Aug

We walk into a bar. @of_the_rose is complimented on his shirt by the bartender, who as an afterthought, says to me ‘your dress is nice too.’

of_the_rose 12 Aug

@lindsaygrocks is mad at me because I just woke her up from a dream where she was about to get the recipe for Busch’s Baked Beans. #FF

lindsaygrocks 13 Aug

I’ll have the plate of cholesterol with a side of afternoon alone with the windows open.

lindsaygrocks 14 Aug

Proud to announce that my baby (the barrel of Maker’s Mark with my name on it) has moved into its warehouse. Thank you, Kentucky.

lindsaygrocks 16 Aug

Getting off working a double, sipping a delicious gin martini, and some wonderful anonymous person is sending over shots of Jameson.

lindsaygrocks 22 Aug

Things I can see from the window in my shower: 3 backyards, 16 trees, 11 houses, 9 fences, 6 cars…

lindsaygrocks 22 Aug

I freaking love the fact that there is a BakedBeansBot.

lindsaygrocks 23 Aug

When I got into the car, Miley Cyrus’ ‘Party in the USA’ was blaring. So now that is stuck in my head for the afternoon. God hates me.

lindsaygrocks 23 Aug

Today is totally an ‘ends in cheeseburger’ sort of day. Headed to Holy Cow.

lindsaygrocks 25 Aug

It’s one of those mornings when I accidentally took melatonin instead of aspirin. So, there’s that obstacle.

lindsaygrocks 25 Aug

She sits next to me and watches me work, but does she ever offer to help? No. I say she gets a job and starts buying me human food. Lazy cat.

lindsaygrocks 26 Aug

As the day progresses and I move to my second coffee shop, I’m reminded that I’m not really a people person.

lindsaygrocks 26 Aug

Today is as good a day as any to learn about beer.

lindsaygrocks 26 Aug

It’s almost magical when the broken printer returns to the world of the living.

lindsaygrocks 28 Aug

I hate that these mannequins have better abs than i do.

lindsaygrocks 28 Aug

After shopping for a new scent, @of_the_rose and I now smell like many different types of date rape.

lindsaygrocks 28 Aug

@supersloth exactly Burberry + Diesel + Tom Ford = eau de douchebag

lindsaygrocks 28 Aug

Bunch of whiteys here to see a middle class white hip hop star. Rock on, suburbia.

lindsaygrocks 31 Aug

So tired i got in the shower in my bra. Dumbass.

lindsaygrocks 31 Aug

The load sizes on my washing machine go small, large, extra large. Questionable.

lindsaygrocks 31 Aug

Even before that concussion I just gave myself on my rear view, it was unreasonable to expect me to park any closer than 2.5 ft to the curb.

lindsaygrocks 31 Aug

One of those nights when I am rearranging the furniture in an attempt to change my life. The result so far: I’m bruised and a little drunk.

lindsaygrocks 1 Sep

This is, quite possibly, the worst day of my life.

MarylandMudflap 1 Sep

You never see a cyborg throw a guy into a pinball machine anymore. Maybe you never did. Who knows? I’ve been drinking since eggs.

lindsaygrocks 1 Sep

If Facebook had an eye, I would have poked him in the eye by now

lindsaygrocks 3 Sep

I’ve had an ongoing poop joke with my best friend for about six years. That’s love.

lindsaygrocks 3 Sep

Just showed @of_the_rose a picture of me when I was fat and living in a yurt. I’m pretty sure we just broke up.

of_the_rose 3 Sep

Ever since @lindsaygrocks & I made our relationship official on Facebook she’s been trying to break up with me by telling me about her BMs.

lindsaygrocks 4 Sep

“You know what’s awesome? We didn’t get food poisoning.”

lindsaygrocks 5 Sep

He giggles, “have you seen your back today?” as if he’s never seen a double X sunburned on somebody.

lindsaygrocks 6 Sep

BUY THINGS FROM ME!!!! AHHHH (sales girl breaks down)

MoCannoli 6 Sep

On my lunch break I went to the zoo, punched a stoned koala in the face and stole his eucalyptus plant. Fuck this recession.

lindsaygrocks 6 Sep

And just like that… Fall happened.

lindsaygrocks 6 Sep

It’s like pulling god dam teeth. Trust me. I would know.

lindsaygrocks 6 Sep

Naturally, I am stuck in the rain.

lindsaygrocks 7 Sep

Sometimes I actually bore myself to tears.

lindsaygrocks 7 Sep

I need a map of Albuquerque. I’ve lived here nearly seven years and I still never know where the hell I am.

lindsaygrocks 8 Sep

That chick at the bar totally just deep-throated a spoonful of sugar. Her medicine goes down.

lindsaygrocks 9 Sep

“Does it always look like that? Or is it just a bad day?” -some guy, talking about my dog.

lindsaygrocks 8 Sep

Did you know if you purchase pickles in bulk they come in a bucket? A bucket.

lindsaygrocks 10 Sep

Pass

lindsaygrocks 10 Sep

I cannot eat my lunch yet. It’s still making noise.

lindsaygrocks 10 Sep

Seriously, at this age, who among us hasn’t ridden a mechanical bull?

lindsaygrocks 10 Sep

Just found a secret on-ramp to I-40 in Albuquerque. It was literally as exciting as finding a shortcut in Mario Kart. I’m totally beating Bowser.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

WHY GOD?! WHY?!

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

There is NOTHING like coming home to discover that an entire room is coated with a watery layer of shit.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

Standing in the rain as @of_the_rose scrubs shit off the floor.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

The bathroom is clearly haunted. A ghost lives in the toilet.

of_the_rose 11 Sep

On the list of worst things to ever happen, coming home to find my bathtub and bathroom floor covered with shit is, like, fucking awful.

of_the_rose 11 Sep

Seriously. It looked like my toilet and bathtub hiccuped or burped or something. #neverforget

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

I’m still attempting to control my gag reflex. You’d think I’d be better at this.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

I thought I had made a rule about me being the only thing allowed to poop on the floor.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

I had no words to tell my bartender. Just gag noises and laughtercrying.

lindsaygrocks 11 Sep

Clearly, my life is just one ongoing poop joke

lindsaygrocks 12 Sep

I definitely have an antique mini bar filled with comic books on my sun porch. I greet people with class.

lindsaygrocks 13 Sep

Wore a dress that was too short, got a parking ticket, fell asleep in the morning meeting, and made an awkward introduction at my luncheon.

lindsaygrocks 13 Sep

Oh, and locked myself out of my house.

lindsaygrocks 13 Sep

“Ugh I hate Coldplay” “Um, this is Radiohead” “Really? Then I hate Radiohead” “What?” “It must be an obscure song” “Karma Police?!”

lindsaygrocks 14 Sep

#BroUpCrew I think we need a support group Sunday Brunch. I’m running out of poop jokes. @ThomasDecaro @xysmas @fresh_flamingo @of_the_rose

lindsaygrocks 14 Sep

It’s a pickle and siracha sort of morning.

lindsaygrocks 14 Sep

My fucking neighbors and their fucking trash in the street. These people clearly were never loved.

lindsaygrocks 14 Sep

MY SUNBURN IS PEELING! AHHH!

lindsaygrocks 15 Sep

5:30 am can suck it. 6 am just makes me wish I had paid attention at the public speaking classes in college.

lindsaygrocks 15 Sep

A room full of sales people is like, seriously similar to watching birds fight over bread.

lindsaygrocks 15 Sep

Yes, I swear that’s milkshake in my hair.

lindsaygrocks 16 Sep

#FF @NMCheeseburgers because there is a new review out, and it is a delicious read.

lindsaygrocks 16 Sep

Well that settles it. Looks like I’m going to start rocking a mohawk for the winter.

lindsaygrocks 18 Sep

“We should get fake pregnant bellies and go out drinking. And smoke. Intentionally bump into shit” #SocialExperimentSunday

lindsaygrocks 18 Sep

I was trying to rap it… You know, so it sounds more legit.

lindsaygrocks 20 Sep

Chatting with a robot right now. A robot that works for the cable company. The world is entirely evil.

lindsaygrocks 20 Sep

Jesus. There is a robot bot.

lindsaygrocks 20 Sep

I have assigned a voice in my head for this robot. It is a girl. A bitchy condescending girl robot.

lindsaygrocks 20 Sep

She just told me “It has been a pleasure to chat with you today” in her creepy robot voice and I’m like 99% certain she was insincere.

lindsaygrocks 20 Sep

The man on table 13 sounds exactly like Ross Perot.

lindsaygrocks 21 Sep

When thinking of the worst things that can happen, seeing a spider run across your pillow just before bed is proof there is no god.

lindsaygrocks 21 Sep

The house was perfectly silent until Tim Gunn got on the phone, then the dog went nutso. It’s like he WANTS to be euthanized.

lindsaygrocks 22 Sep

It is like every single sound I hear today makes me want to punch an infant. #morecoffee

lindsaygrocks 23 Sep

In the night, while we slept, someone stole all the tires. Ooh. People are the worst.

lindsaygrocks 23 Sep

Once again I’m reminded that a cat in the window isn’t a BB gun or a flamer thrower.

lindsaygrocks 23 Sep

The god damn police left the door open. And now there is a second mystery. Floyd? Come back?

lindsaygrocks 23 Sep

We discussed the direct correlation between her running out in the street and the wrinkles on my face. I think we came to an understanding.

lindsaygrocks 23 Sep

I fell down the steps. There are only two, and I fell down them.

lindsaygrocks 24 Sep

I got two ex boyfriends and a microphone…

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

I’m far too emotionally invested in this episode of #rivermonsters right now. I knew all those years I spent reading books were a waste.

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

Went to find a snack and discovered there are 3 jars of pickles, a stalk of celery, stale tortillas, 3 slices of pizza and 4 percocets.

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

The elderly gentleman at the checkout- who was discussing honey badger- just commented on my wine and gummy sharks. Like he’s never done it.

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

Brainstorming ideas for the new life I will be starting tomorrow after I get a new tooth.

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

I can’t believe Mazzy Star was the artist they thought belonged on that Gears of War 3 commercial. Seriously.

lindsaygrocks 25 Sep

@of_the_rose came by with a bag full of like 30 apples and now I’m at @GeckosBar having a bloody mary for dinner. #why

lindsaygrocks 13 hours ago

Have seen 5 balloons this morning on the way to the dentist.

of_the_rose 12 hours ago

Some dude who looks a lot like Pee Wee Herman is putting his fingers in @lindsaygrocks‘ mouth right now.

lindsaygrocks 11 hours ago

Success! I accidentally swallowed a lot of blood so I feel like shit, but hey, I got a tooth!

lindsaygrocks 8 hours ago

The jerk dogs know I’m sick/injured yet one still just farted in my face. #thereisnomercy

lindsaygrocks 4 hours ago

I found that the pizza bites I was trying to eat were to large to eat without biting so I just sucked the filing out of them. #rockbottom

lindsaygrocks 2 hours ago

Recipe time: 12 min. Time it takes me to figure out my order of kitchen operations: 37 min.

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